ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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