Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
