i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
