Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
