There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
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yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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