uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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