I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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