You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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