i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
