What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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