everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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