So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
