It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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