you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
