I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
