the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
