I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
