I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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