It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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