OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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