It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
