Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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