Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
