? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bring money and cleavage
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
