Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
