also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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