im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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