Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
