i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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