Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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