what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
