i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
