We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
