just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
