she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
