dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
