I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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