Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
