I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
