Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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