I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
