cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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