I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
