"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
