i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
