I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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