the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
