He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
