Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
