i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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