If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
