I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
