So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
