he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
