dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
