i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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