In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
