I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
