Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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