Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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