I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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