I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
