Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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