I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
