I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
