i may or may not be watching the land before time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
