I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
