I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is it fun? or sober?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
