cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
