they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
