I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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