If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
