Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
