his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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