I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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