I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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