he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
