Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
