by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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