Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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